In the last diary entry, I wrote about how when it came to the things that were significant to my purpose in this season of my life, reluctance would creep in and sometimes win.
After writing that entry, I started to think; why is it that when purpose comes knocking, that’s when reluctance and dread seem to fancy making an appearance?
Setting the scene
I remember playing one of the leading roles in an opera performance back in primary school (similar to elementary school for my US readers).
Every time we got finished with a particular scene on-stage, we went backstage to get ready for our next appearance on-stage. At each particular scene, there was a purpose to fulfil. That purpose would eventually feed back into the ultimate purpose of the entire story as intended by the scriptwriter.
Each scene mattered and there was a character I had to be like and embody. I needed to honour the flow of the scriptwriter while also being on guard for when the cue-giver said it was time to get on.
Now can you imagine being called up for the next scene but being so reluctance to get on-stage?
Not only would you be missing your cue but the very act of you missing your cue could potentially throw the whole story off-course, cause unnecessary disruption and delay; and even get people to never trust you again because you become regarded as unreliable.
Well…..God is the scriptwriter, Jesus is the character we are to be like, and the Holy Spirit is our cue giver. The job of reluctance is to get you to miss the cue.
It wants to make the grand appearance and keep you backstage where it’s comfortable and where anxiety can fool you into thinking that it’s okay to be backstage because “I would probably mess up on-stage anyway”. (I felt that for someone!)
It’s almost as if we go back and forth fighting over who is going to make an appearance; us or reluctance.
The war within
It’s a constant war within: Should I step out or should I stay in? Should I get on this stage when given the cue or should I remain in the background?
The stage can represent anything God has called you to do at any particular moment. And sometimes I know being on that stage is good for me but in that moment, I don’t want to do what is good. I want to do what is safe and comfortable.
It makes me relate so much more to what Paul said in Romans 7:19-20:
It is a constant war between what the Spirit wants and what our flesh wants. And of course our flesh is not going to what to do anything that involves God’s work, effort, service, and purposeful living.
Tapping into sufficient grace
So I asked myself, how can I do this better?
How can I develop a habit of not letting reluctance win? One of them I mentioned in the previous diary entry and that was; relying on God’s grace to help me and empower me when I am weak.
I cannot think that I can do it in my own strength. I had to simply say “Listen Tosin, if you keep trying to do it in your own strength, you will keep failing. But if you allow God to work in you, then you are setting yourself up for progressive success”.
It makes me remember Philippians 2:13:
If this is something that God wants me to do and is part of His purpose then He will work in me to will and to act upon it as long as I am willing to be obedient to Him.
Writing this is just even more of an encouragement to me and I hope to you too that we don’t have to do this on our own.
Let’s allow God to work in us to do better so we can evolve and become all of who He wants us to be in the various seasons of our lives.
Making purpose a priority
The other thing that came to mind and it came so strongly was: making my purpose a priority.
I don’t know about you but sometimes it seems so easy to drop something that is more purposeful and take on something that is not as purposeful but keeps me busy. I then get a false idea that I am doing something productive when, I am far from it! (That hit me in the gut!)
We may be doing a lot of things but not everything is purposeful in the eyes of God. The enemy doesn’t mind us being busy as long as it is not being busy in the things that God actually wants us to be busy in.
Busy but Empty
I remember being in a particular point in my life where I was just looking at some of the things I was doing and honestly, it felt empty. Not because they were not good things, but because they just did not give me a sense of fulfilment.
Ever be at a place where people congratulate you for something and while you are grateful for all God has done, you still have a sense and feeling that something still doesn’t feel right? Yep me too.
It caused me to make some decisions in my life which were not easy but needed.
I had to get rid of what was not purposeful in that season to make room for what was and not let reluctance cause me to keep procrastinating.
Allowing reluctance to win causes us to not only fall away from purposeful living but as a result of falling away, we start to fill up space with things that are not purposeful but do a great job at filling the void.
Wooaah, this is starting to get too real, but this is what I wanted these diary entries to be: real, honest, and relatable.
Anyways, I had to make the decision that I had to start making my purpose a priority. What my purpose could look like in this season may look like something completely different in another season. But the main thing is that either way, I must make it a priority no matter the season and no matter what it looks like; even if it does not look like what I wanted it to look like.
It’s easy to make your purpose a priority when its glamorous, but when it’s not so glamorous that is where the real test is. That’s when we need to really dig in and make that choice to stick with it.
How does all this apply to you?
In order to be all of who God created you to be, you have to be willing to not only rely on His strength to help you overcome your weaknesses but also make an active decision daily to make your purpose a priority.
So…….if you set your alarm to 7am so you can get a head start on things that you know you should be doing then making your purpose a priority is choosing to not snooze the alarm until 9am lool (we’ve all been there).
Conclusion
Let’s fight back and overcome reluctance by tapping into God’s sufficient grace and making that decision to choose purpose daily.
One way I am working on this is by opening myself up more to Godly community.
What about you? Choose an area that you feel God is calling you to prioritize as part of your purpose in this season and be obedient to it. I will share my progress as I go along.
But, that’s it for this diary entry.
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Until the next time,
